Welcome to the newest member of the band - the constantly cheerful Skiddy Smalls.

She was found in a Biffa Bin amongst leather clippings by Dale... He used his mystical gleaming head to lure her into his bizarre underground 'You Can't Hurry' love palace. So awestruck with the many images of Dale's all time hero, Phil Collins, was she, that she passed out and slipped into a deep, Phil Collins induced coma.

3 years later, she awoke from her devastating coma to the sound of Dale and his guitar. He had been performing acoustic Phil favourites at her bedside for months now in the hope that she would recover. His plan worked, she woke up and they had a lovely chat about badgers and the buoyancy of an air filled pork pie carrier. Within this conversation, Skiddy mentioned she could play the bass. "How wonderful" cried 2 Hearts "The awesome power quartet that I perform with is in dire need of a bass player since our last deep gruntling 4 stringed wizard, Balthazar Backdraft, left to pursue a career as a Hungarian Goat Stroker.

With that, he dialled furiously and at the other end of the line, Crack's flashing RockPhone© falshed wildly and pumped out 'Iron Man' by Black Sabbath. Once the news was delivered, no time was wasted. Crack got in his RockMobile©, floored his Roccelerator© and drove to Dee Dee's house. In a flurry of tartan, Dee Dee was dragged from his Scottish wife to the nearest jam room where the Boyz congregated to stare at one of the rarest breeds of all - a female bass player that wasn't built like a fitted wardrobe.

It turns out she could play rather bloody well and was then inducted into the 20th Century Boyz. Although we may have to change the name to 'The 20th Century non-gender-specific Classic Rock Quartet', we're not sure yet.

We welcome her and hope that soon the doctors can fix her permanent grin.

Her hobbies include collecting molluscs and painting them to look like various member of Deep Purple and scratching at hooves to see if breakfast cereal will fall out.

Equipment

Trace Elliot amplification

Ibanez Bass Guitar